There are two points that I gained from the fellowship. One is that I realized what my weak point is. I realized it through Dr. Omi's lecture. The other is confidence of myself. I gained it through my role as the leader of the group. Both are opposite kind of things, but are essential factors in order to get to know myself. I will write about them in this essay.

　

Why am I interested in international health? In junior high, I already had a dream to work in the field of international cooperation in the future. In high school, I decided on becoming a doctor, to help the children around the world. In the basis of my dream, I think there is a simple question to which I had been seeking an answer since I was a little child. "Why was I born between my parents?" Children cannot choose their parents or the place to be born. I could have been born from different parents of a different country. But I happen to live in an economically privileged country, whereas there could have been a possibility that I could have been born in a much more severe responsibilitywhere many children could not live to be five years old. When I overlap myself with these children, I could not help but hope to do something to better the situation.

　

One can say that my dream is based on "humanitarianism". It is a "pure" motivation. But "pure" things tends to be very fragile. Dr. Omi told us that we must build up our mentality as tough as possible to survive in any situation. There will probably be many battles that cannot be avoided. There will be times when we have to bluff our way out of difficult situations. If I were to work in an international responsibilitylike WHO where excellent staff from all over the world gather to work on intertwined intentions of member nations, I will need high negotiation skills to influence people and get my thoughts and feelings across. I will definitely need more assertiveness, or else I will never be able to bear this thorny road.

　

On the other hand, I was able to gain confidence through this program. As the leader of the group, I paid much attention to the situation we were faced with, with what is expected of us in that situation, always in my mind. I was tired out everyday after returning to the hotel. But every night, we held discussion meetings to review the day, even though every one of us was tired and sleepy. I thank them because no one complained of my way of doing things. After a serious meeting, those of us still with some energy left stayed for some chat. We talked about many things like our daily school life in Japan, to romance, to world peace, to our dreams. We stayed up until three or four in the morning and our average sleeping hour must have been less than three hours. But was it too hard for me? Not at all. I enjoyed such challenge to my limits.

　

When I took the role of group leader, I did not have any confidence at first. But looking back on our days in the Philippines, the group became closely united and we had a great experience together. This was thanks to the cooperative attitude of the group, but I think I was able to contribute to the success through my role.

　

Before I applied to the program, I was worried about my life after graduation. But now I have a view. The way I choose at the crossroad of my life will be the best choice. There is no need to worry about anything. I've got confidence and all I need to do is to do my best. I very much appreciate this fellowship which gave me such way of thinking.

　

From the bottom of my heart, I enjoyed participating in the fellowship program. I want to thank everyone who gave me this chance.

　

To me, the train ride back home from Narita Airport was as impressive as the whole journey in the Philippines. I can recall the strange feeling I felt, with my girlfriend, who had come to the airport to meet me, by my side. When we sat down together and I felt her next to me, I realized that something hot, which had been running inside of me till then, had vaporized away.

　

Why does war break out? What is happiness? Is international cooperation really needed? All these things, which I had been beating my brains and heart out all these days in the Philippines, just simply vanished from my head. It was a very strange feeling.

　

Perhaps happiness of others is not a primary issue for me. Maybe happiness of myself is the most important thing. When I hear something sad, I feel sad. But I will probably feel sadder if the something sad is related to me in some way. I think that this is so not only for me, but that there are many people who feel the same.

　

What is happiness? The answer will be different for every individual. My answer is love. Love to others and from others. Friendship, family relationships are love, as well as love between a man and woman. To me, love among fellow people creates much more happiness rather than loving oneself or loving materialistic matters. I want to live my life full of love.

　

Then what is love? I don't have a definite answer yet. I think that I will reach an answer in the future as I experience many things in life. But this is what I am thinking right now...Love is the ability to graciously accept and affirm someone's existence, their way of thinking, their action, their appearance, their everything.

　

Summer in Okinawa is unbearably hot. Getting in a shade, however, a soft breeze soothes my skin. The breeze must have been there around me, even when I was under the burning sun. But that was not felt or noticed.

　

Getting off the bus that was headed for Sabana, I knew then where the unpleasant smell that filled our bus came from.

After one little, precious hour we spent with the children, the smell that I felt uncomfortable was no longer felt or noticed.

　

The existence, however, was there and is there. The things that I thought did not exist, was there and existed. The things that I thought did exist, was neither there nor existed. What I feel and sense is all up to me, and that is what tells me who I am. That is when I find my own starting line.

　

I am, right now, standing on the line that will lead me to find another new beginning. Even if I am to be toddling on the way, my heart will be filled with joy of finding that new starting line of mine. Existence is there and will be there.

　

Within 11 days that seems to be too short, under the head-coach, Ms izumi, we definitely have made a great team. I want to continue to see my teammates' and my own coming future as a fullback, from the starting line we are now at.

　

Let's make it a good match, everyone!

　

Before I finish, I would like to thank T.I. who is one of my Rugby teammate, Kazu who is one of my classmate and Jada who is the partner of Kazu, for not only helping me out with my poor English but also for giving me a word of encouragement.

　

Thank you guys!