Several weeks have passed since I was permitted to participate in this International Health Cooperative Fieldwork Fellowship. Although the reason I applied to this program was not so concrete, the greatest target of my life is to increase smiles in Asia and Africa, and therefore applying to this fellowship was a very natural thing for me. This goal that I have also made me choose the university to which I belong to now, because our university educates us to become a comprehensive clinician and graduates have a chance to contribute to the world by participating in the PKO.

　

Repeatedly I have worried about what should be done during my student life in order to achieve self-actualization. However, I have now convinced myself that I should just try my best in anything, because there is no such thing as a waste of experience. And, until now, I have done my best in every field of my interest and I have confidence in the achievements. However, at the same time, I felt that something very crucial was missing in my life. Although I assumed that I would realize what that something was through various experiences, I realized clearly in the Philippines that this prediction was wrong.

　

Listening to the lecture by Dr. Omi at WHO, some bitter recollections suddenly emerged in my mind one after another. The memory was of the many experiences that I had faced in the past of being in charge of a group activity but not doing well despite of all my effort. If I had the leadership and the sort of charisma like Dr. Omi, could I have done better? It would have probably been very difficult for me, without the self-confidence, reliance and a big heart like Dr. Omi has, for example, to encourage a group of people who have never thought seriously of polio eradication to get up and take active participation in a project to eradicate the disease.

　

The essence of the problem was in my mind. Am I missing "aptitude"? This was the first question that came to my mind. What is my identity? Where do I come from? Where will I go? What is the value of my life? By thinking over these questions thoroughly, the significance of existence of myself became lost.

　

I thought that perhaps this was a punishment for being lazy, not making a foundation on which to stand, for being angry and making hate whirls each day while bragging that my goal in life was to increase smiling faces in the world. Negligence of hard work. Fear to expose my lack of ability. All of my hidden impurity had surfaced in my mind, and I became petrified. Although I continued think a lot about this after this program ended, no answer had been obtained yet, and days were just passing by.

　

"Studying" was the first cause that made me able to walk again. I wanted to set foot on soil. Maybe, this wish, and the feeling of tension that I would be a doctor in less than a year, made an exquisite match!

　

I was also saved by the telephone and e-mails from the other member of this fellowship. After coming back, I have come to like them all the more. We have become more closely and deeply acquainted with each other. Their friendship has become my most precious treasure.

　

And, now I have much more important and sweet recollections than the insignificant worries that I had.

　

The lively health workers who cannot stop once they begin to laugh. The cheerful women of the doll factory at Jose Rodriguez Hospital. Not only their vitality but also the fact that each of them had a firm position in contributing to the community was very impressive. I laughed hard with them, that my jaws were almost dislocated! The children we met at Sabana who sang us the Convention on the Children's Rights song. When I heard their song my whole body shook with emotion. The children had shiny beautiful eyes.

　

It seems that the world was three times bigger than I had thought. While being overwhelmed by its scale, perhaps I was too busy absorbed in exploring myself that I may have come back to Japan missing out on what I could have gained through my experience in the Philippines. But now, here I stand, and I am happy to accept who I am. And I know that there will be much more encounters waiting for me in the future, and to prepare for the encounter, I will keep on walking with my feet firmly on the soil and keep dreaming my big dream.

　

Thank you, Sasakawa Memorial Health Foundation, and all of you I encountered!

　

These are the three most impressive points for me of this fellowship program.

　

HONORED OBLIGATION

Although international health cooperation has long been my long lasting dream, I always had trouble in explaining my wish because words made it sound hypocritical. But thanks to the lecture by Prof. Kiikuni on the first day of the program, I now clearly understand why I had been interested in international health cooperation. It is an "honored obligation". I came to know it doesn't need many words to explain. The two words, "honored obligation" explains it all.

　

APPROACH FROM NGO'S POINT OF VIEW

When we met the children at Smoky Mountain, we all became captives of their smiles. Though their families have difficulty in earning a living, with support by the local NGO, many of the children are able to go to school and they looked healthy I realized the necessity and usefulness of such NGO activities.

　

APPROACH FROM ADMINISTRATIVE POINT OF VIEW

We visited WHO. I was excited by the notion of people from various countries collaborating together to tackle problems around world. The staff we met at WHO were energetic, persuasive and cool. I think an international organization such as WHO, with a neutral view over the entire global health situation, is in the most preferable position to identify areas or issues of the most top priorities and provide assistance where it is most needed.

　

With my graduation is near at hand, I have to think about my future career. I have not decided yet, but I am sure that the experience of this fellowship will have a great impact on that decision. Definitely this fellowship will be a turning point in my life.

　

Finally I want to thank every party concerned including Sasakawa Memorial Health Foundation, 13 members of the fellowship, Dr. Yatsuya and Ms. Yoko Izumi. I owe this treasurable experience to you all.

　

I met a lot of people through this program and after this experience, I came to want to learn the following three things: how to behave with good manners, how to discuss logically and how to face myself honestly.

　

I thought that having a positive impression on someone, and the ability to influence someone is important. Good manners and behavior are necessary to have a positive impression on someone. Though in the past, I was only able to get a persons' consent towards something only by vague expressions, I came to think that in order to have true influence on someone, the ability to constitute logic and analyze matters based on that logic is an essential element that I was missing. I wanted to be able to face myself through my past...how my parents brought me up, what kind of influence my friends had on me... and by facing myself, I want to become more mature and more proud and confident of myself.

　

I met children in the Philippines. Compared to them, many children in Japan wear nicer clothes but have duller eyes. I wonder if these children play as they want to, or do they even play as they are told to? Do they seek "practicality" when they play? If so, playing won't be fun at all. Then, the children will stop having dreams.

　

"Time" was something strange to me. The more efficiently I tried to use time, the less interesting life became. I did not recognize this before participating in this program, and only had a vague sensation about it. After joining this program, my obscure mind became clear. I used to find "efficiency" and "practicality" as a high priority issue, but I realized that as long as I keep worrying about using time as full as possible, I won't be able to enjoy life in its fullest. I used to worry about making good and fullest use of even my free time. Now, I think priority should be "to enjoy". Instead of aiming straight towards a target, enjoying the process towards a target is also important.

　

Japan is a county with elaborate material wealth but yet, many of us have deep worries and anxieties. Indeed, we could say that we can "afford" to worry. There are people around the world who have to deal with what they face in their daily lives, with no time to stop and worry. Perhaps it is useless to look for worries and worry about things that will or will not happen like. we do.

　

These are just a few things that I think about recently.